


back at work

by aislingdoheanta



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron Dingle gets the support he needs, Aaron Dingle misses Robert Sugden, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Friendship, Gen, Robert Sugden in Prison, Sad Aaron Dingle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 07:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21249974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aislingdoheanta/pseuds/aislingdoheanta
Summary: Aaron's first day back at the scrapyard after Robert's sentencing isn't easy. Jimmy turns up and tries to help.





	back at work

**Author's Note:**

> I'm all about that 'Supporting Aaron Dingle' life now. And it's starting with Jimmy and Nicola. 
> 
> Originally posted to [tumblr. ](https://saras-almanac.tumblr.com/post/188599956237/back-at-work-aaronrobert-jimmy)

Aaron was curled up on Robert’s chair at the scrapyard. It was his first official morning back to work as Jimmy and Nicola kept things running for him as he… dealt with things. He’d told Robert last night that he was going to get some work done today. Robert had laughed and said, “That’s a change, isn’t it? You never worked when I was out.”

Aaron had laughed and then cried and then rolled over to cry some more into his pillow when Robert had hung up. He’d taken the last few phone calls in their room because he just couldn’t get through them yet without crying and he really couldn’t handle anyone else telling him that he needed to move on.

How was he meant to get over this? His husband, his future, was locked up for next fourteen years. That wasn’t something that he was going to be able to just get over like his family wanted. So he took to hiding in their room, even though it was the one place in the Mill where Aaron couldn’t ignore Robert’s absence.

Being back at work though, in the portacabin, at the scrapyard, it just made him miss Robert so much it felt like he couldn’t breathe. But it was one place where no one was popping in to tell him that he needed to be strong or stop wallowing or anything. So he’d sat on Robert’s chair and curled into the back of it. It was a poor replacement to the man himself, but it was the only thing he had right now.

Of course the door burst open. Aaron jerked up and hastily wiped the tears off his face. Jimmy glanced at him before looking away.

“This ain’t the café,” Jimmy said. “Meant to go and grab a coffee this morning. Brain’s run off with me hasn’t it. I’ll just leave you to it.”

Aaron sat up, scrubbing roughly at his face. “It’s fine, Jimmy.”

“It’s no bother,” Jimmy said.

“I said it’s fine.”

“All right.” Jimmy walked in and shut the door. “How about a brew then?”

“Whatever.” Aaron debated whether it would draw more attention if he got up and went to his desk or not.

“It must be so hard for you, coming in here,” Jimmy said. He started the kettle. “I don’t think I’d be able to do it.”

“Can’t let this place go under on top of everything else,” Aaron said. “Like everyone says, I’ve got to crack on.”

“They say that?” Jimmy said. “If it were my Nicola, I’d probably not get out of bed for at least a week. Maybe to go to the toilet. And get food, obviously. But that’s it.”

Aaron swallowed and looked down at the picture of him and Robert on Robert’s desk. Even though they sat across from each other, he still had a photo of them. It was a dumb one someone had taken at the Woolie. Aaron was sat at the bar and reluctantly smiling at the camera. Robert was stood next to him, his arm around Aaron and resting on the bar, sort of trapping Aaron there. Something ached inside him just looking at it. He should have taken more pictures with Robert.

“Hmm.” Aaron looked away from the photo.

“And then to have to come to work and be reminded of his absence too.” Jimmy shook his head. “I don’t think I’d have stopped crying if you’d walked in on me.”

“I can’t just keep crying forever,” Aaron said.

“I suppose not. But it’s only been a few days since Robert was sentenced,” Jimmy said.

“It doesn't matter. People need me so I have to be strong.”

“I don’t think Robert expects you to just be fine,” Jimmy said as he brought over Aaron’s tea.

“It’s not just Robert though, is it?” Aaron said wiping at his eyes again. “It’s Liv and Vic. Vic’s baby. Seb. Me mum and Paddy. Eve.”

“Yeah but you’ve got to care for yourself first,” Jimmy said. “If I learned anything lately, it’s that.”

“Cheers, but I don’t have that luxury. They all need me to be strong and they’re terrified of what I’m gonna do without Robert, how I’m going to cope, so I have to show them I’m okay.” Aaron reached out for his cup of tea and saw his hands shaking.

Jimmy leaned on the desk. “Aaron. You’ve got to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling.”

“I can’t.”

“Then you’ve at least got to talk about it,” Jimmy said.

“The only person I want to talk, I _could_ talk to about this stuff is Robert and he’s locked up. I can’t come crying to him about how hard it is being on the outside without him when he’s the one who’s locked up for years!” Aaron clenched his hands around the cup.

“If you don’t think Robert would want to know that you’re struggling, then you don’t really know Robert. You know you’re his priority,” Jimmy said. “He’s been on the outside and knows how hard it is. He’ll understand. He’d rather you tell him than put this kind of pressure on yourself.”

“I can’t do that to him,” Aaron said quietly. “He’s barely coping in there as it is. If I tell him how bad I’m struggling, it’ll make it that much worse.”

“Has he said he’s not coping?” Jimmy asked.

“He doesn’t have to. I know him. I know what scares him and this… this is terrifying for him. I need to be able to be strong for both of us,” Aaron said.

“But you can’t do that if you’re not taking care of yourself as well,” Jimmy pressed.

“He’s always been strong for me. He got me through so much and the one time he needs me to keep it together I crack? How is that fair?” Aaron shook his head. “That’s not what he needs. He can’t spend his time worrying about me.”

“I don’t think Robert would see it like that,” Jimmy said. “I think he’d see it like you reaching out and looking for support. I think you telling him would make him worry less. He’d know you’re not bottling things.”

Aaron didn’t say anything.

“If you won’t talk to Robert, then maybe there’s someone else you can talk to?”

“Who?” Aaron asked. “My mum and Paddy have Eve to worry about. Paddy thinks Robert should be locked up and that he deserves this. Liv keeps telling me to move on and stop acting like Robert’s died. I’ve got no one! No one who understands or cares that my husband is gone!

“We did everything together,” Aaron said. “We spent nearly every day together. And I know people think we drove each other nuts but we didn’t. Every time I turn around, I miss him cause he’s not there. I keep thinking of things to tell him but then remember that he’s not here anymore. I miss him so much it’s like part of _me _is missing. I can’t just get over that.”

“You shouldn’t feel like you have to,” Jimmy said. “You miss him and that’s okay. But bottling this up, pretending everything’s okay when it’s not isn’t going to do you any favors down the road.”

“It’s all I’ve got right now.”

“Well maybe go and try talking to a counselor. You did that before, right?” Jimmy asked.

Aaron nodded.

“Then maybe try going back. They’ll help you cope and not make you feel like you’ve got to bottle it.”

“I don’t know.” Aaron twisted his wedding ring around his finger.

“If Robert were out here, feeling like you, what would want him to do?” Jimmy asked.

“Talk to me,” Aaron said. “Or someone.”

“So why not do it for yourself? It might be helpful.”

Aaron shrugged. “Maybe.”

“And think of how happy Rob’ll be when you tell him,” Jimmy said. “You know he doesn’t expect this to be easy on ya. Anyone who does or expects to just bounce back is—”

“Is what, Jimmy?” Aaron asked, only slightly taunting him for what he might call his family.

“Well they’re not listening to ya and what you need, are they?”

Aaron took a drink. Jimmy wasn’t wrong about needing to get it out. If Aaron was honest, in the darker moments since Robert got arrested, he’d been terrified of what he might do if he kept bottling things. But he just doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Not like if Robert was here. He’d sit with him, maybe even hold him, as they talked it out and talked it through. He’d never made him feel weak for crying or being upset. He always just supported him and helped him get through whatever was going on and made it better.

He just didn’t have that anymore.

“Just think about it, eh?” Jimmy said. “I’d hate to think that you have to sneak into work to have a bit of a cry in the mornings. You can, but that shouldn’t be the only time you get to let your feelings out.”

Aaron nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

Jimmy smiled at him. “Good. Er, did you want a hug or something?”

Aaron frowned. “Um. No. I’m good.”

“Well, I’ll be just over here if you change your mind.”

Aaron took one last glance down at the photo as Jimmy walked over to his desk. Robert would want him to talk about it. He wouldn’t want him feeling so alone and hopeless, and maybe this was one thing he could do to help them both.


End file.
